I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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