why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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