I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Four minutes until I can fart!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
