Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
