Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
