I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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