Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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