I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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