I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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