please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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