I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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