They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
