I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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