In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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