He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
