My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
