Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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