i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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