Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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