do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
