Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
