Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
