R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
