remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
