I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
