We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
