dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
