she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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