Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
