apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
