just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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