My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
