Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
