meet me or not, i'm out of control
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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