what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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