What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
