remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
