worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Randomize
