god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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