I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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