This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do herpes really smell.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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