You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love having hate sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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