I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
