All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
