how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
