If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
