Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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