I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so let's talk penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
