i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
