who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
