Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
